The slow pace

Feeling beautiful, feeling fine

I have to admit that during most of my life I’ve been ashamed of being a beauty addict. Of course I know that watching Lisa Eldridge’s makeup tutorials and getting excited about the latest Charlotte Tilbury lipstick doesn’t make me forget all the books that I’ve read, all my working experience and, under no circumstances, erases any neuron of my brain. But forgive me, I doubt about myself and feel stupid if I get passionate about a new eyeshadow palette or a friend laughs at my obsession with smooth hair. What can I say? Maybe I’m stupid, maybe I’ve been influenced by a society that encourages women to be ultra girly/ feminine only to make fun of them for it afterwards. Notice that just as I was writing this I’ve spent a fair amount of time thinking whether in this context the words feminine and girly could be understood as an insult/offensive/ chauvinist. Or if by saying feminine here I’m implying that other women who don’t like makeup or skincare are less feminine. Obviously, they are not. Ugh. This whole thing makes me nervous…

I want to be me and talk for hours about face masks, jump and shout a little when I come across a Sephora and share my excitement when I found a miracle product that makes my hair less frizzy but I also want to be taken seriously and ultimately I don’t want to be ashamed of myself if I write a long post about beauty products. Ugh. I am my worst critic and I know most of the women that read this blog (according to Google Analytics you are 75% female, 25% male) have had that feeling at some point. Why do I have to look beautiful but then feel bad for caring about it?

I guess the answer is simple: if feeling beautiful makes you feel good about yourself, there’s nothing wrong about it. And please note that I’m writing this to believe it myself. It’s difficult to face those patronizing smiles at work if, during my lunch break, I get caught talking with a fellow colleague about a new mascara or if I mention that my no longer available yet beloved keratin treatment made me spent more than 4 hours in the salon and someone shouts at me: whaaaaat??? 4 hours in a salon??? The big project at work I successfully carried out is forgotten, now I’m the woman who spends 4 hours doing her hair. EXCUSE ME BUT I CARE ABOUT MY HAIR!!! #sorrynotsorry. Am I, though?…. See? Feeling stupid again. Ugh. It hurts even more if such a comment comes from another female. I don’t know why but it does. Maybe it’s because lots of times those talks about hair, make up and other bits and bobs are the secret to start a great female friendship, a sort of secret camaraderie.

By the way, this post is one of the most popular on the blog and it addresses my hair so I guess we all care about hair here. THANK YOU.

What I’m trying to say is that I don’t want to hide the things that I like. Whether it’s hair, makeup palettes, contemporary dance or geopolitics. And since I believe that one has to be the change he or she wants to see in society, I’m going to try and feel better about all this. Starting right now with three things that make me feel better.

First thing, OBVIOUSLY, an eyeshadow palette. My gorgeous ABH Modern Reinassance. How beautiful is this palette? It’s funny how pink-ish shades were the worst a few years ago and now they are everywhere. I love that this palette makes beautiful sunset-like eyes for Summer and those berry shades are going to help me transition to Autumn like a nice fluffy sock slides into an old soft leather boot. I love it so much that sometimes I just stare at it for a few minutes. Those colors! The pigments! Oh, I love it. Besides I’ve already mentioned here that those ten minutes I spend putting on makeup every morning are my very own meditation. I’m alone at home, the house is quiet, I think about whatever I have to do during the day and I’m surrounded of pretty things. I feel safe and fine at that moment.

This lipstick has became my favourite. As much as I love a power red, my lips are not cooperating lately and every time I apply it I turn into the Joker. However,  since I was a kid I’ve found that lipstick has something powerful and reassuring, it’s like a good coat, something you put on before leaving the house that makes you feel prepared to face whatever is outside that door. Red lipstick is the valyrian steel of lipsticks, of course, but since the older I get, the more difficult it’s for me to pull it off (those little wrinkles around my mouth absorb all the pigment! Ugh) this subtle pink matte lipstick has been my go to. It looks like you are not wearing lipstick, but you now you are. It’s a self-confidence lipstick.

Finally, the scent that both of us have been using on repeat for the last month. It’s supposed to be for men, but we love it and who cares? If we like it, we wear it and most of our favourite scents come from the men section. My favourite smell is clean (clean hair, clean sheets, clean house, clean clothes… clean, clean, clean) and Loewe’s SOLO CEDRO smells like clean grandpa. Wait, it sounds weird, I know but bear with me. It’s absolutely one of the best smells in the world: a little bit manly but not overly so, woody yet fresh, with a hint of lavender, therefore smells like a fresh, safe, warm hug. Like a grandpa! Again, it feels good.

And if you feel good, you’ll feel beautiful. And if you feel beautiful, you’ll feel fine. So I’m determined to feel good about myself and if that means talking about eyeshadows, I’m going to talk about them! And it feeling beautiful means smelling like a grandpa, bring it on! Whatever it takes!